Final Posting

Below is Carl Wilkerson"s letter to leisa he read at the funeral. It is a beautiful characterization of her. I'll cherish it always.

Before you read it, please accept my heartfelt thanks for all the cards and emails over the past month. I can't possible answer them all....over 300 of them....but they mean the world to me, Raegan, and Sean. Thanks for taking the time to write, for putting your thoughts into words. I know how hard it is.

Leisa so loved the Church and School and all the people there.

Love to you all,

Jeff




October 19, 2007
5214 Acacia Avenue
Bethesda, MD 20814


Dear leisa:

You have been in our thoughts, prayers, and rosary each day for what seems like a very long time. We ask God to give you great strength and courage. Recently, I read an article in a magazine from the University of Notre Dame that made me think of you. The subject of the article was entitled Why Am I Here, and it introspectively profiled the lives of several people. Each would finish with the phrase “that’s why I’m here, that’s all, that’s enough.”

Most of us in our careers try to give our best and behave honestly. In the end, however, we principally fulfill the mission of our employers. A respectable lot, but essentially a livelihood. In sharp contrast, your life has made a significant, long-term impact on many, many people. You have left an indelible mark on the countless students who acted in your musicals, sang in your choir, learned from your music classes, and followed your leadership as a coach. You spread joy, enriched our spirits, and brought us closer to God with your long tenure as de Chantal’s cantor. Your voice was the guiding core of the adult choir and a special treat to hear on your solos.

Your remarkable personality and talents made a bland world interesting, colorful, fun, and joyful. You were the engine behind a very long string of performing arts, music, and liturgies that made the school, the parish, and the community more humane. You didn’t have to, but you did it anyway, time after time. In de Chantal’s world you created and maintained a friendly, family atmosphere that is not easily replicated. You made de Chantal welcoming, relaxed, warm and inclusive. The student choir you established many years ago is strong and enduring.

In spite of a perpetually overflowing plate of responsibilities, you knew and remembered details about each person, their family and their life. You always made time to patiently listen to worries, stories, joys and aspirations. You did it all gracefully, with energy, enthusiasm and laughter. It had to be exhausting, but you never let it show. Your deep sense of humor and easy smile made life less dreary.

Your life is a rich and unique tapestry woven with a common thread of love. As a spouse, daughter, parent, sibling and friend you have been loyal, supportive, encouraging, and patient. You raised two great children who are making their mark in life. You are a patient foil for Jeff’s rich sense of humor. You are a positive model for many people facing difficult challenges. You continually developed your wonderful talents, and in generously sharing them inspired others to do well. Through you I have learned that each day is a special gift to be experienced and appreciated. You provide a template for a life well-lived.

Maureen, my children, and I are blessed to know you. Thank you for your kindness to Matt, Shane, Julia, Marie, and Tess as they progressed through de Chantal School. You created countless memories to treasure for the rest of our lives. You have been a great friend and colleague to many, many people. Thank you for everything you did for all of us every day. Our lives are richer because of you.

As I draw to a close, I circle back to the Notre Dame article entitled Why Am I Here. I am still trying to figure out why I am here, but I am absolutely certain why you are here. You have been a special gift to help all of us get through life. That’s why you’re here. That’s all. That’s more than enough.


With love and prayers,



Carl and Maureen Wilkerson

The big day

Below is a copy of my remarks at leisa's grand and wonderful funeral Thursday. Please email me at jeffketchum@yahoo.com if leisa touched your life somehow. I would love to hear about it. The copy below looses quite a bit as words on paper but you'll get a feel for it. It was a glorious day. I loved it and didn't want it to end.

******************************************************************************

I got an email from St. Peter last night. It read, “Your wife is trying to reorganize the angel choir. Please advise.” My reply….”Dear St. Pete: Don’t mess with her if you want to keep your job.”

What the heck was I thinking when I thought I could speak today. Bare with me. I may cry a little but I can so this. You all, on the other hand, may not cry. This morning in the hot tub I was filled with a feeling of peace and joy that I hope lasts at least a few more days.

I am Mrs. Ketchum’s husband and love the designation. I love this place. I’ve always felt welcome here. The church, the school, the people who make St. Janes what it is.... Leisa poured out her heart and sole here. She got back so much more. Oh, and by the way, I am really quite used to sitting alone in church with leisa on the altar..... I know I was never really alone.

She so loved her “school kids” and they too gave so much back. She told me more than once she even appreciated the few horrible monsters because they made the many great ones shine so much more brightly.

And how can you not love a first grader who writes, Dear Mrs. Ketchum, “I’m sorry your dead. You sang great.” Or Mrs. Ketchum. Good luck in heaven”. Dear Mr. Ketchum writes a 3rd grader, I hope you are feeling well. Mrs. Ketchum had the best laugh. She’ll always be watching you!!!. Kids, if you want to honor Mrs. Ketchum,, follow your passion and make it primary in your life. Make your money elsewhere if you’re not lucky enough to be paid for your passion as leisa was.


You all know she loved to sing. I had a bet with her on which David would win American Idol last night. I won.
How she could stand up here to sing at the funeral of a friends’ child or at the funeral of someone she loved, I’ll never know. Actually, As I stand here, maybe I do now know.

We can never thank all of you enough for the support and love heaped on us over the past two years and over the 34 years we’ve been together. To have spent nearly all of every day of leisa’s illness with her was such a gift. Save your pennies so you can do it too if you need to. The rewards are immeasurable. Those who brought communion to leisa, especially Floranne Sirilla, thank you.

I can’t talk about our children or about leisa’s family now. So much to say. I’d melt. They know how leisa and I feel.

One of our good friends wrote a letter to leisa last October she loved so much. The letter put many of my jumbled thoughts into perfect words. Carl Wilkerson wrote the letter and he and his family have been with us the whole way. Our children are of similar age. They studied and played together under us as coaches, parents, and teacher. I asked leisa so many times. Don’t you rejoice in how many lives you’ve touched? Most of us could only hope to touch a life or two along the way. She said not really until Carl’s letter. Carl:


While Carl walks up, Let’s rejoice leisa is with her Dad and that her Mom is still with us to love and enjoy some more. Molly, our dog, is very happy to have her too.

One last thought. Leisa told me every day and every hour at the end she loved me and Raegan and Sean a million. Engineer that I am, I needed to quantify that million so I’d asked her “a million out of how many?” She always answered, “6” or “3” or negative infinity. I like to compare us to puzzle pieces that eventually sit next to each other in a partially finished puzzle, on a card table in the living room., a little hard to figure at first, colorful and each unique, vastly different, perfectly matched.

The music was exceptional. Thank you.


I love you all. Raegan and Sean love you all.

***************************************************


I'll post Carl's letter when I get an electronic copy.


So, I'll play a little golf, work a little, love our kids and love all of you as the days and months progress. Thanks.

Jeff

Services Thursday at 11am

leisa's funeral will be held Thursday at 11am at St. Jane Frances de Chantal Catholic Church. A reception will follow at the Church. Burial will be at a later date. There will be no viewing or funeral home visitation prior.

The Church is located at:

9525 Old Georgetown Road
Bethesda, Maryland 20814

just inside the beltway


The Pooks Hill Marriott (a.k.a. Bethesda Marriott) is close 1-800-228-9290. They have 58 rooms available as of right now (Monday 4:40).

Come early, stay late. We"ll have a blast.

I mentioned to some of you the funeral may be Friday. Do not come Friday. No one will be there.

Jeff

Leisa is gone

She died at about 6:30 pm Sunday after a nice visit from her brother Frank and my sister Liz and husband. It was so quick. She simply said she didn't feel well, had some labored breathing for a few minutes and died with Raegan, Sean and I by her side. The suffering is over. We're so glad it was fast.

She touched more lives than most of us could ever dream.

I'll post details as soon as they are set.


Sleep now.

Jeff, Raegan, and Sean

Things are okay

Leisa is a bit weaker as the weeks pass. She's eating some but not enough. The hospice people are, of course, wonderful. Mentally, some days are better than others.

We live and sleep in the living room now. No more stairs. At last, the room has a purpose . Actually, it has been our music room for decades but most of us don't use our living rooms to their full potential. We do now.

Hoping for warmer weather to at least allow us to squat on the porch.

Raegan and Sean are well as am I.

Please call before visiting. Short visits are best. When leisa closes her eyes and pretends to sleep its time to go.

Thanks,

Jeff

Back home again

Leisa's vital signs a good, her blood is all fixed up. She remains a bit confused and has trouble putting some thoughts together. We're having a Hospice consult this week.

The doc thinks further treatment is not necessary. We'll keep her as comfortable as possible and surrounded by family and friends. Please come visit but don't expect to stay more than a few minutes. A few other tips; don't ask her how she's feeling...she feels extremely tired and in some pain. Talk to her as you would if you saw her on the street. She hates the "poor, poor leisa" tone of voice and it scares her. Keep it upbeat. We can also do without suggestions for looking into the latest experimental treatments, herbal remedies, and mystic shamans dealing peyote buttons.

One month, two months...who knows. Leisa has spent her illness wanting to know essentially nothing of her disease or prognosis so let's keep it that way. Thanks.


We would be in such trouble without all of you. Thank you.

Jeff

Back to the hospital

Leisa returned to Suburban Hospital Wednesday by way of the ER. She ended up in the ICU because her blood pressure was very low and reluctant to rise. She remains there tonight. She'll probably remain in the hospital for several days more.

She's very weak. She can't really stand or walk. Things don't look real good but I think she'll bounce back yet again and keep fighting. I'll keep you posted. Need sleep now.

Jeff